


Cherished

by ailaikannu



Series: Letters From a Shattered Heart [5]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F, Falling for your straight best friend, Letters from a shattered heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8042617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailaikannu/pseuds/ailaikannu
Summary: Fifth and last part of Letters From a Shattered Heart. Lexa falls for her straight best friend, Clarke, and starts writing letters describing how she feels about it.





	Cherished

Whoever you are,

                                 I’ve been back to college for about a month and a half when Clarke comes to visit me the first time. She says nothing, I just find her in front of my dorm one morning as I walk to breakfast. I almost cry when I see her, but I’m trying to maintain some sort of decorum.

She comes with me to breakfast and follows me to class all day long. We eat together during lunch break, where I introduce her to my friends. Anya’s there as well, and looks like she could bite Clarke’s head off. She gets used to her, eventually. I have to tell her multiple times it’s not Clarke’s fault if I became a sort of walking dead person last semester and she eventually gives up her stoic façade.

We’re reading together one night when she suddenly drops her book and looks at me intently for a full minute. When I finally raise my chin to face her, she’s got the brightest smile I’ve ever seen.

“I’m in love with you.” She whispers.

I think I went deaf, my friend. I think my brain has dreamed for so long about her saying those words that my ears have decided it’s time to prank me.

“What ?”

My voice comes out lower than I intended it to. And it sounds weird, like it doesn’t belong to me.

“I’m in love with you.” She repeats, the bright smile still there.

She said it again. She’s actually saying it. “I’m sorry, what ?”

My book is on the floor, long forgotten. One of my eyebrows is raised to almost brush my hairline and the grip my hand holds on my glasses is so strong I fear it might break them.

“I came here because I wanted to say this in person.” She says. I still think I’m hallucinating. “Now I’ve said it and you should have this.”

She hands me a letter and I grab it with both hands. “I knew you’d make me nervous, so I wrote down everything that I wanted you to know.”

My hands are shaking as I open the letter she just gave me.

_Lexa,_

_If you’re reading this, then you already know._

_There are so many things I want you to know. First of all, I’m sorry it took me this long to realize it. Secondly, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about my sexuality. I started having doubts this summer, right before you told me what you told me. I identify as bisexual, I'm pretty sure it fits me.  
_

_Those months I spent in college without you made me realize that, maybe, the feelings I had for you were more than just… Friendly love._

_And I was right._

_My heart broke every day I spent without you._

_I couldn’t keep my mind off you, I just spent every second of my life thinking about you. About your smile, about your eyes, about your hugs, about your voice, about… About you._

_I cried myself to sleep for so long I can’t even remember when it stopped, I believe it was the night you held my hand._

_I want this for us._

_I want happiness. I want love. I want laughter. I want smiles. I want hugs. I want kisses. I want us._

_I had you in front of me for so long, but I was too blind to see how important you actually were. I believe we’re meant to be together. I believe we’re soulmates. I believe you and I belong together._

_I don’t know if this is going to come a bit unexpected, but it’s the truth._

_I love you with my whole heart._

_I love you in a way I never thought possible._

_I love you, I always have and I always will._

_You deserve so much in this world, and I want to give you everything you desire._

_Whenever I’m with you, I feel like I could fly if I really wanted to. You’ve always been caring, loving, and kind to me. I know I can be myself whenever I’m with you. I don’t have to hide who I am. I don’t have to hide my weird obsessions. I don’t have to be someone I’m not just to please you, because you love me for who I am._

_And I love you exactly for who you are._

_I love the way you drink tea in the morning, breathing the scent of it before taking a sip. I love the way you hit the printer when it doesn’t work, because “it hates me, I’m telling you this damn thing hates me”. I love the way you laugh whenever I try to cook something and how hard you try not to vomit when I offer you some food I made. I love the concentration in your eyes whenever you’re writing something. I love how you look at me when I’m painting something that you like. I love the way you get worked up when we go to a new sushi place and they don’t have your favourite tempura rolls. I love how you’re always ready to defend me. I love the face you do when you drink tequila shots. I love the way your hair smells after you’ve taken a shower. I love how dedicated you are to everything you do. I love how unfazed you are anytime I knock on your bedroom window at ungodly hours._

_So tell me, now… Are you willing to be with me ?_

_Clarke_

I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I have tears in my eyes, I believe I’ve stained the letter with one of them. I’m shaking and I believe if I were to talk, my voice would break. I can’t believe that this is real life and not a cruel dream.

“You’re joking.” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. I fail miserably.

“Are you trying to reject me or do you really think I wrote that long ass letter to make fun of you ?”

“No, I…” I scratch my head, unsure.

I don’t know.

 “Are you, then ?”

I nod. “Yes.”

Then she smiles at me. The brightest grin I’ve ever seen in my life, it’s almost blinding.

“Good.” She says, before going back to her book.

What ? Is that it ?

I’m staring at her with deep confusion clear on my face and I see her looking at me with the corner of her eye. “What ?”

“Uhm, no, I…” I stutter. “I don’t know.” I try to look unfazed by her words and her letter, but I know it’s not working.

That stupid smirk of hers comes back. “Lexa, what ?”

I keep staring silently at her, she giggles softly before throwing her book to the ground and grabbing my face with both hands.

“I love you.” She says, before brushing her lips against mine.

Do you know the cliché thing about having butterflies in your stomach and feeling like you could fly ?

I always thought it was bullshit.

I guess I was wrong.

                                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                                                                 I know who I am

**Author's Note:**

> When I wrote Doomed, this wasn't the ending I was picturing. This story was meant to be heart-shattering in so many ways... This story comes from personal experience, but I wasn't as lucky as Lexa was. I know in real life this would have probably never happened... But there's always hope in my heart.   
> I know what it feels like to fall for your straight friend. I know how devastating it is to know that you have zero chances and that nothing is going to change the fact that the person you're in love with is straight.


End file.
